Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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