cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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