he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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