Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
