a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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