problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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