I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
