Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
