So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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