I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
