like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
