So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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