I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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