So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
