I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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