you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
