Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
