I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He shit in the fireplace
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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