nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
