u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
