Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
