I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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