New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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