i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
