please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
