is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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