your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
