my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want nice things and good sex
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
