New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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