dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
