he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
