My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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