life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
