You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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