i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
