Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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