I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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