you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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