Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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