i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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