It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
