just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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