Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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