Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
