we're chasing vodka with high fives
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
