if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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