Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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