All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
