Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
