i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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