the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
