i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize