I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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