Your dad touched me again.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
