i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
