Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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