i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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